October 23, 2004 - 10:19 p.m.

I am not sure if it is because I rarely pay attention to the presidential campaigns since the juvenile "I'm rubber and you're glue" commercials and slandering began, but I have yet to hear what either candidate pledges to do for the lower middle class/lower class population. Or of they even care.

What about those of us who take as much overtime as possible to barely scrape in 20K a year? Those of us who live paycheck to paycheck and have to seriously consider cashing in a meager 401k plan (with penalties) to fix a car? Those of us who can only fill a gasoline tank half way to be able to buy a whole ten dollars worth of food that has to last until payday? Those of us that have to choose between taking a beloved pet to the vet or pay the electricity bill?

I am fortunate to have such a wonderful life. I have friends for roommates who love me so much they would never let me be without a necessity (and who pay the utilities because I am always poor).

But it's a struggle. It sucks that I am so concerned about money, but it's life. Everyone I am in close association is exactly the same way. My parents, siblings, and friends...we are all struggling. It can't just be us at this point...

My sister J has a master's degree in microbiology. She has only been able to find a part time menial lab job without benefits in Boston, and has to supplement her income by proofreading high school textbooks. We had high hopes for my little sister. She went to college with the hopes of curing AIDS and really making a difference. She eats ramen noodles and the guilt of her inability to properly support herself is straining her five year relationship with her live-in boyfriend who often has to cover her share of the rent.

My mother is a real estate broker who busted her ass for years to raise us as frugle as possible. I just found out that her car was reposessed just after Christmas. I was begging her to come visit, and she had to confess. My mother has been too proud to admit that her real estate market is just about dead, and she was more than four car payments behind in order to make Christmas for her GROWN children. She has not sold anything since before last Thanksgiving. She is highly respected in her field and well known locally, but that was not enough. And now her current lack of car has prohibited her from showing properties to prospective buyers. She is considering not renewing her license (it costs money) and peddling my stepfather's antiques on E-Bay full-time.

My best friend is newly married with a toddler and new baby two months shy of being born. She has had the same job for six years, and they might be laying her off right after the new year. They scraped and borrowed money from everyone the knew to be able to have their first apartment and be independent of their families. Now they might have to move back onto his parent's four season porch. Even if she does get to keep her job, she is only permitted two weeks maternity leave. They obviously cannot afford her taking unpaid leave.

I work with two smart women who are in their twenties and cannot afford to move out of their parents' homes. I worked with another woman who had to quit because it was cheaper to not work than hire a babysitter.

Everywhere around me there is struggle. How do Mr. Kerry and President Bush plan to help us all? Dear lord, wouldn't it be a wonderful world if we had jobs that compensated their employees properly, had truly affordable health care for everyone? And a week's worth of groceries for 4 people could cost less than the $120 we need to pay for our heat? I remember my first car and the $7 worth of gas that would fill that bitch up! Now I need to plan a week ahead what bill to partially pay so I can get the gas to go to work. Everything is outrageous, and I don't think it's my new old age talking about the good ole days. It would be nice to be able to pay more than the interest every month on my student loans and actually make a dent in the pile. I have been out of college for almost 7 years and my loans are MORE than what they started at.

I am not the only one. Seven years ago I was a college student struggling a full time job and full time course load and was grateful for my ramen noodles, cigarettes, and occasional bottle of Kaluha. I always told myself that things would get better. I guess they have in a way. I have learned to appreciate cheaper liquor. I dream of a life where I can buy a winter coat and not have to worry about not making my car payment. I would like to have my own pair of reading glasses to replace the broken beyond repair ones I own, and not have to wait for Dan to be asleep so I can steal his and read a book.

Jesus, I can rant. It's just so depressing. I read so many diary entries by people who live like me. I don't understand where the problem really lies. We work full time jobs. We are proud of what we have. We do not take money from welfare.

I was discussing the woes of my family and the like with a pharmacist friend. Pharmacists think they know everything about life. This is my only observation about them after working side by side with them for almost six years. I should probably know by now not to bitch to someone who make over 100k a year about finances. They all think we're not budgeting right. I was getting pissed at his attitude. So I broke it down:

"Let's just say you make $1200 a month after taxes. Your rent is $400, car payment is $280, student loans are $150, credit card bills (that you used only for emergencies) are $120, medical insurance is $120 and rising, car insurance (required in NH if you have a loan) is $70, you're share of the ultilies is $100, medical bills are $50, and you need at least $40 a month in gas to make it back and forth to work. That leaves you negative $90 a month for food, clothing, entertainment, and birth control pills. You car needs $500 worth of work to pass inspection and you have a cat with allergies who needs a shot. What do you choose not to pay?"

"I thought your roommates paid your utilities."

"They do, but wouldn't it be nice to be able to contribute my share?"

"So if they pay your bill, you actually have $10."

Smart ass.

Try to explain to him you have less than $3 cash on you at all times and that is why you cannot treat him to a Dunkin Donuts run once in a while to reciprocate the favor.

Anyway, this jerk actually told me I was not making a proper budget, and I should get a higher paying job. Last time I checked, I was making pretty good money for my particular job. If that's good money, I'm glad I lived with my father when I started off in this career. Also had to remind him I am not qualified to do anything else, and certainly starting over to build my way up in another minimum wage field is not a good idea.

How will our new president help us, too? I am all for middle class tax cuts, but we need help too. And a tax cut probably wouldn't do shit.

This is probably the longest and most boring entry ever, but now I feel I can sleep since the burden has been removed. Some things just have to come out before I explode.

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