February 11, 2004 - 8:00 p.m.

I have decided that I am too lazy to go to the gym tonight. Amazing how much money I spend a year on a gym membership to...not go. It's much more fun to sit here in my basement drinking wine straight from the bottle and watching MadTv.

Besides, the gym frightens me. I am such a misfit there. My grotesque plump body pouring sweat out of every pore while gorgeous super model wannabes with perfect hair and make up out run me and out step me on every machine while waving off numerous body builders who fall over each other to get their digits. It is hard not to strangle the naked women with Barbie proportions in the shower room. That is why I have taken to waiting until I get home to shower.

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