December 15, 2003 - 5:48 p.m.

Why do The Holidays have to come this year? Everyone I know (including myself, as I think I know myself) is flat broke and just plain not in the Christmas spirit. Every time a carol plays on the radio, my left eye twitches uncontrollably. Decorations give me constipation. The thought of relatives makes me dizzy and nauseated. My meager checking account balance has disappeared and is causing depression and general malaise. WHY? Make it go away!

I have learned an important lesson this weekend. I never realized this. Whenever I shave my legs, I do not get to have sex. It is only when I am fuzzy and unattractive that my flame seeks me out for some good lovin'. Interesting.

The house of fun is recovering from pnemonia. Imagine, five adults all bitching and complaining and fighting over custody of the remote control. Amazingly enough, only Liz was sick but she made the rest of us miserable. That is why I tell people we are all recovering. Totally miserable. Perhaps a vacation from each other would be nice.

The Chevelle concert last weekend was awesome. They really are a fantastic band. Dave & I bought more CD's and waited around after the show to get them autographed. The guys were very nice, but they appeared to be in a rush and distracted. Probably had something to do with the pizza delivery that arrived for them while we were in the queue.

I have been thinking about 2004's New Year resolutions. This is last year's list. Let's just see what we have accomplished.

I will take my daily vitamins... daily. {Hmm. Bottles have been moved to new homes twice in the past year, and are collecting dust.}

I will rise earlier in the mornings to become a master of Pilates. {That's funny. It turns out I hate pilates, and am using workout videos to balance faulty leg of nightstand. Also, do not rise early enough to do anything but shower before work.}

I will increase my fresh produce intake to two servings daily (versus one serving weekly). {Yeah! I do that! And as added bonus have introduced fruit and vegetables to my roommates' diets.}

I will decrease my cigarette consumption by 50%. {Um. No.}

I will put 20% of earnings into savings. {Once again,no.}

I will pay off all three student loans. {That's truly laughable. NO. Feel like such a loser.}

I will shave my legs more often than once monthly. {Yes! Up to twice a week.}

I will subscribe to a newspaper in attempt to be more cultural and informed. {No. Have you ever read a newspaper? What is not totally boring has become depressing.}

I will cease to fantasize about unattainable celebritites (ie: Jude Law, The Rock, Horatio Sanz, Goran Visnjic, George Clooney, the cast of Harry Potter). {Not only have I not stopped fantasizing, I have increased the list size.}

I will make a serious effort to let people know how I feel about them more often. {Why would I ever want to do that?}

I will be nicer to the peons at work. {Problem solved! I have different job in different location, and feel as if I am the peon, so there really isn't anyone to be mean to.}

I will be nicer to everyone, actually. {Bah. I am fucking fabulous.}

I spend most of my free time nowadays slowly melting my brain with the constant blend of booze n'stuff and mindless computer games. Like SNOOD. I love SNOOD. You play for what seems like 20 minutes and two hours have passed.

Dan and I went to see Paula Poundstone's stand up comedy last night. She is hysterical.

Liz is planning on cooking dinner this evening. Yuck. Stomach is turning. Should probably fill up on salad first. She is not a good cook. She made steaks last week that made the contents of the litter box look delicious. How does someone fuck up steak! Liz knows how.

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