September 17, 2003 - 10:25 p.m.

Okay. So this morning I was chatting online with my best friend about her latest sexual escapades. All the typing got too complicated and I just wanted to hear the fucking story, so I told her to call me.

The phone rang 30 seconds later.

I said in my huskiest voice "I'm not wearing panties."

After a long pause, a very confused bill collector said "Ummm..is Kimberly ***** available?"

Suddenly, I was not home and had to take a message for myself.

Must remember to get caller ID.

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