August 08, 2003 - 11:35 p.m.

Busy packing and the usual crap-ola. Ran out of newspaper so have been wrapping glass items in turtlenecks and sweaters. Also ran out of boxes. Must get more in morning.

This is one of my rare stops home this weekend. Have to do laundry in the morning and pack up the car with as much shit as it can possibly hold to bring to the new house tomorrow.

My father brought the first load down for me in his SUV this evening. He saw the house and surprisingly has very little complaints (aside from the fact I will be sharing a bedroom with Dan). The strangest thing happened when my father saw Dan this evening. Dad said "Where's my hug, Big Guy" and pulled Dan into a bear death grip. Apparently he has forgotten that he never had an affectionate father/adoptive son relationship with Dan in the past. We are all still stunned and confused, and convinced that somewhere hell has opened up to catch some summer heat because it is freezing down there.

I had my final interview today and am pleased to announce that I have been hired, and will be paid exactly what I am getting now (which is pretty good) but the benefits are so much better. I will have dental insurance! I have not seen a dentist since I was 17 years old, and althought I brush, floss, and gargle regularly, I am sure a good scraping and suctioning will do my mouth wonders. When I think about all the money in rent I will be saving, and the second job I plan to get, I get too excited to sit still. I am going to be rich!

Well, I did it. After almost a year, I have successfully acheived a polite telephone conversation with Matt (formerly known as WPOS). It went rather well. There was a point in the conversation when he mentioned one of his former girlfriends (not me) approaching his current girlfriend and trying to claim they were having a little affair. The current girlfriend was naturally quite upset. Matt told me this story, and was not expecting my response. I asked, "Well, did you?". He didn't like that very much. Points for Kim! I tried to be nicer after that. I invited him and the current GF to my birthday party next month. He said they would come. That's good. The whole gang will be together again for the first time in two years. I am actually excited. I really want Matt and I to be friends. We have too much good history not even involving our "fling" to just give up a 10 year friendship.

Besides, every jilted woman craves the chance to show off how wonderful she is now that the man is gone. It will be so much fun. From here on until my birthday, will reduce carbohydrates in the diet and increase cigarette smokage. Want to lose 15 pounds by mid September. Will also make appointment with Dan's hairstylist to see if we can fix my drunken haircut and re-dye roots to unnatural color. Will save money to buy the very expensive outfit that I tried on today and wept as I put it back on the hanger.

This is what I would like to happen (and I have spent a year dreaming about it, so I am practiced in my thoughts):

He enters party with less than fabulous girlfiend. He sees former GF, who is skinnier, with better hair, clearer skin, newer car. She is fabulous, and gorgeous, with excellent personality and charm oozing out of her pores. She only makes polite conversation with him, but finds everybody else far more interesting and funny. This pisses him off, and he snaps at current GF and gets drunk in the corner thinking about what he has lost.

This will probably not happen. They way I see it, one of two things will happen. A. He will not come. B. He will come and not give a crap what the fuck is going on with me because he believes I am the most repulsive human being in the world. This would be bad. My current obsession is now making him regret deeply. And I am pretty sure once I get over that little phase we can be friends. He just doesn't need to know I am in that phase. That would suck and ruin everything.

Our little gang of misfits are going out tomorrow night to celebrate a birthday among us. I have the stand by gift all ready to be presented in a public place. Oh yes, the reusable rubber douche and enema system that has been passed around for years has been located. Should be great fun. T is coming too. I am very excited. Have not seen him in a week.

Is it normal to turn all girly and stuff when that happens? You would think I was twelve years old and T is my first crush. Dan has a haunting vision of me selecting China patterns by the end of winter. I was talking to several people at work last week about T, and they had an ineteresting point of view. T is 35, unmarried, and no kids. These are things that he wants, but has no time to fuck around. he is almost 40 (eew). My friendly coworkers said that I had to be sure that is what I wanted before I went any further. I think that is a bit drastic, considering I have only known T for six weeks, but I get the drift. Whatever happened to letting things flow? I believe the whole world as I know it is far more interested in my biological clock than I am.

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