June 15, 2003 - 9:54 p.m.

Happy Fucking Father's Day. Padre picked me up at 1:00 to meet my sister Julie. Was a very looonnnng car ride with just him. He is obsessed with karaoke and makes CD's of himself singing along with The Backstreet Boys, Celine Dion, Matchbox 20, and many others he has no business in butchering; but plays the CD's loudly and brags about himself. Which is not good. A cow being slowly eaten to death by pirhana would have more musical value than his voice. Was a few minutes away from throwing myself from moving vehicle when we reached our destination.

The game plan was to catch a movie and some dinner, but we were very early and had a few games of candlepin bowling to keep us occupied. I rocked. Well, not really in the great scheme of things (I saw a small child in the next lane bowl better than myself-but he had bumpers in the gutters) but I did manage to kick my father and sister's asses.

We saw Bruce Almighty, which was fabulous. I like to think God really is a lot like Morgan Freeman, and just as sarcastic. And I am almost positive if I ever won the lottery, 400,000 others would win at the same time, leaving me with $17. That is just the way my luck runs.

We then went to the Ground Round for supper. Not my favorite place in the world. My father spent a good 10 minutes terrorizing the poor waitress with his barbeque rib requirements ("The meat had BETTER fall off the bone, and don't you dare overcook it,"). Then he began with his famous Endless Lectures regarding everything in the world I have no personal control over. It was awful, and it ran on for over two hours.

Came home to four messages on answering machine. Feel very popular. Two were from Ken, totally what felt like four hours time. He didn't really say much, except that he missed me. He may talk a hell of a lot, but he has never once made me feel like a piece of ass. He worships the fucking ground I walk on, and I have no idea why. Please God, don't let me fuck this up.

Another message was from best friend, who hung around in my apartment for a few hours after I left. She cleaned my whole house while I was out, even making the bed and vacuuming. I love her. She called to let me know my cat Al pissed on the couch. I figured that out myself, owing to the odor, but she wanted to let me know she scrubbed as best as she could, and would come over tomorrow while I am at work with her upholstery cleaner before Ken came over. She is the best friend in the whole fucking world.

Last message was from Dan. He has been helping me with barinstorming ideas for themes for best friend's birthday party in August. She is a little jealous my party in September will be "cheesy 80's" (complete with hair bands, tight rolled pants, and blue eyeshadow up to the eyebrows) so we want to throw her a very funny party. This is the list of ideas we have so far.

"Christmas in August" with fruitcake, a Christmas tree, carols, and a Yankee swap (which is where everyone wraps something up from around the house and it gets passed along and traded with other crap).

"Bachelor Party" with female strippers.

"Big Lots". A very good idea of Dan's. We just go into our local Big Lots discount store with a cake and streamers.

"Tupperware Party" would be funny.

"Hawaiian Luau". Would give us an excuse to get lei-ed.

"Toga Party" very popular with fraternities nationwide.

"Pool Party" without the pool.

"Strangers". Another suggestion of Dan's. We would simply drive around the city and randomly invite complete strangers to stop on by for a surprise party. Everyone she knows would hide and she would just have to hang out and celebrate with complete strangers for a while.

We are open to all suggestions. The only requirements are that it be funny and utterly embarassing for the birthday girl.

I am exhausted. This will be the earliest I will be in bed in two weeks. Feels good to have bed to myself. And the cats, of course. My best friend snores a lot (which made last night interesting) and Ken cuddles too much. Neither one makes a very appealing sleeping buddy.

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